Teenagers going through their parents' separation face a particular set of challenges. Old enough to understand more of what is happening, but not emotionally equipped to process it as adults. Old enough to have strong opinions about where they want to live, but not legally old enough to make those decisions themselves. Old enough to be pulled into adult conflict in ways younger children are not.
What teenagers typically experience
- A greater understanding of the reasons for the separation, which can be harder, not easier, to process
- Strong loyalty conflicts between parents
- Anger, often more visible than in younger children
- A desire for more say in arrangements than they are given
- Impact on friendships, school and social life from practical changes
What teenagers need
- Honesty, not the full adult picture, but not being patronised either
- Their views to be heard, even if the final arrangements are decided by adults
- Not to be used as messengers, mediators or spies between parents
- Consistency from both parents
- Space to feel what they feel without managing a parent's emotions
Court and teenagers' views
Courts do take the views of teenagers into account, the older and more mature the child, the greater the weight given to their wishes. CAFCASS will speak to children of sufficient age and understanding as part of any welfare assessment.
Frequently asked questions
At what age can my teenager choose which parent to live with?
There is no specific age at which a child can "choose", the court considers the child's wishes as one factor among many, with more weight given as the child gets older. In practice, by 14–16 years old, courts are very reluctant to make orders that go against a teenager's clearly expressed wishes.