Children experience their parents' separation differently depending on their age, temperament and the nature of the separation. But almost all children need the same core things from their parents during this time: stability, reassurance and the knowledge that they are loved by both parents.
What children need
- Consistency, routines help children feel safe when everything else is uncertain
- Reassurance, that both parents love them, that it's not their fault, that their life will be okay
- Age-appropriate honesty, not the full adult picture, but not false cheerfulness either
- Permission to have feelings, sadness, anger, confusion are all normal
- Both parents remaining accessible and reliable
Warning signs to watch for
Some children express distress clearly. Others internalise it. Watch for:
- Changes in behaviour, mood or school performance
- Regression, younger behaviours returning
- Sleep disturbances or changes in appetite
- Withdrawal from friends or activities they used to enjoy
- Physical complaints without a medical cause, headaches, stomach aches
When to seek additional support
If your child is struggling significantly, particularly if difficulties persist or intensify, speak to your GP or school SENCO about additional support. Child counselling or play therapy can be enormously helpful.
Frequently asked questions
Should I tell the school about our separation?
Yes, schools can provide valuable support and it helps teachers understand any changes in behaviour or performance. You don't need to go into detail, but a brief conversation with your child's teacher or head of year is advisable.