One of the most enduring challenges after separation is communicating with your co-parent. You may no longer want to speak to this person, you may feel hurt or angry, and yet you need to coordinate your children's lives for years to come. A communication plan, a simple set of agreed boundaries and methods, can make this significantly less painful.
Why a communication plan helps
Without agreed parameters, communication tends to happen reactively, at handovers, in text messages at all hours, or in front of the children. This creates tension and often escalates conflict. A communication plan moves things onto more structured ground.
What to include
- Preferred method of communication, email, text, a co-parenting app
- Response timeframes, e.g. non-urgent messages responded to within 24 hours
- What topics are communicated through which channel
- Tone expectations, keeping it businesslike and child-focused
- What is not appropriate, e.g. late night messages, copying in third parties
- How urgent matters will be handled
Co-parenting apps
Apps such as OurFamilyWizard, Fayr and Google Family can be helpful, they keep all communication in one place, create a record if needed, and some include tone-checking features.
When communication breaks down
If direct communication is impossible due to conflict or safety concerns, a third party, a mediator, solicitor or support person, can facilitate. Courts can also include communication provisions in child arrangements orders.